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Archive for the ‘Why?’ Category

Compare Contrast Challenge


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So My friend A.J. and I are having a creative battle about how you can compare and contrast ANYTHING. I gave him his big toe and a tree while he gave me a bow tie and a door. I’m linking his post so check it out. So here goes…

Geeks are the new chic as everyone should know by now. When thinking of the many things that bow ties can represent, the main thing that stuck out was geeks. Isn’t it a wonderful world when being smart is looked at as being positive? Now this memo has not made it to the playgrounds yet, so hold on little Jimmy. This new fashion statement is more from the forward thinking modern woman.

These guys open doors, and this is why they are such a hot commodity. A door represents an opportunity to bring on new surroundings, and the doors that these bowties open are the doors that lead to high society and that green stuff. I love and hate this. While it is great that brains are appreciated, at what cost? At the cost of love? What about dreams? I’m only 20, so I’m gonna pull the idk my bff jill card.

So what do bow ties and doors have in common? Not a whole lot, but to me the things that they can represent have many connections. They are both made from things that are pulled from natural resources…They can both be dismanteled or faked….Everything has so much alike you just have to want to see. Just like human beings. I’m annoyed that we spend so much time on how different we are by catagorizing…Wake up people! We have so much more in common than you really even know.

Check out A.J. http://medicinalmusic.wordpress.com

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We all need somebody…

College became a lot more difficult for me my second year. Emotionally, I couldn’t do it. The work isn’t actually hard at all..just time consuming. This summer as I reflect I realize that I needed help. I needed help that I waited for and never received. This is totally fine, nobody is my keeper and I do not expect anyone to follow me around and kiss my boo-boos. In the future, however, I fully intend to be the keeper for as many people as I can handle because there is such a disparity between the amount of time people spend gossiping about each other and the amount of time people spend trying to be there for someone who obviously needs a friend.

I have friends. Many very deeply appreciated friends, but I am just really getting settled into the group of friends that I currently spend my life with. This school year I really didn’t have anyone to go to for the most part. The terrible part was that I didn’t even know what was wrong. I still can’t exactly pinpoint it but I think it was my version of depression. See, I’m an extremely happy-go-lucky soul. I go with the flow and try to be the peace maker. Only in my extremely rare moments of weakness (which I am extremely embarrassed of) have I even said anything bad about anyone. I don’t see a reason for it. I always put on a face for other people because I don’t like to spread misery. I retreat to cry and I complain only when I am too lazy to do something about something I see as an injustice. In long, I’m saying that anyone who knew me this year would not think I was depressed.

So it is not surprising that I did not get the help I needed…How would anyone know to reach out if I seemed fine. My grades plummeted, however, and I’m sure my teachers think I’m on drugs or something. I now know how it feels to be that person. I know how it feels to physically be unable to get out of bed. To be so intimidated by the challenges and frustrations of a coming day that I just can’t make myself for anything get out of bed and instead just beat myself up and cry about it a little later. I want to be the other person. I want to be the person who calls that girl just to see what’s up instead of talking about her behind her back and saying how she never comes to class. In my small department there is so much gossiping about really stupid shit(excuse me). Why would you gossip about how that guy is never in tune? (I’m a music student for those who don’t know) Are you being serious? Are there hidden cameras or do you just really have no life…just tell him he’s out of tune so he can fix it. Two people were talking about me behind my back saying how I wasn’t strong enough on first. Thanks for telling me before the concert. So and so never practices…I am so done with it. From now on I refuse to even allow anyone to do that crap around me. It’s not your business whether or not someone has problems, but you can make it your business to help them out of the hole they’re obviously in.

I believe it is better to ignore the haters. When you find out someone is talking about you behind your back don’t confront them…Give them a rose telling them something nice about his or herself. This is definitely a hard route to take. I did this for my clarinet studio and people blew my valentines way out of proportion. One girl who I knew was talking about me furiously at the time went out of her way to tell everyone that I apologized to her about something I had said. I did nothing of the sort and how immature. It took a lot of strength not to say anything, but I decided I didn’t care. Anyone who would believe that is obviously not my friend. I think out everything I say, and I hate it when people take back stuff they said..so why would I? Ignore the haters, the gossipers and the nobodys… They mean nothing to you and they definitely mean nothing to me.

From now on I will strive to abolish hate from my life. What about you? Could you stand to do a little less hating and a lot more loving?

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Why can’t I go to the grocery without event? Now I am not going to lie to myself or anyone else and say I’m drop dead gorgeous, but I am downright cute. Not that you have to be cute to be hit on by these losers that prey on young girls in Richmond. You just have to look like you’re probably a girl. Anyway on the way to the grocery store today I decided to listen to a few episodes of my favorite motivational podcast on the way to the store. I can’t give you money if I can’t hear you…Well as I walk I notice in my peripheral vision a shadow closing in on me. I’m in the broad daylight in a pretty public place so I’m not afraid just annoyed at what I know to be coming.

I see a figure come up beside me and I just keep walking as if I’m so into the podcast I can’t see or hear anything around me.

“Hey” I hear a muffled vice coming from the figure. I continue to listen to my podcast.

“Hey” he says again, and I know I can no longer ignore him. I slowly remove my headphones and look at him.

“My name’s [I don’t remember] what’s your name?” he said holding out his hand for me to shake it. I looked at it and really felt snobby for a second because I did not want to shake his extremely dirty hand. I decided to be nice and shake it…there are new convenient hand sanitizers at the entrance of Kroger.

“Keyara” I said.

“You got a boyfriend?” said the guy. I actually don’t but I’ve been taught by my friend who I will refer to as the bunny to just say yes.

“Yes” I said and without another thought the boy walked away. I was like well dang!  That really works. So I replaced my headphones, and continued on my way to the store. I love my imaginary boyfriend…he saves me from so many unwanted conversations! Also, the headphones don’t work because on the way home a bum yelled at me until I took them off and asked me for the change that I do not carry so he could buy “food”. I’m just too nice…normal people just keep walking.

How do you handle unwanted bums/guys bothering you when you’re just trying to walk down the street?

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What is it about going back to my high school? My little sisters graduation was yesterday, so I am now in my home town of Caroline County, VA. It’s a lot more country than it sounds…believe me. In my neigborhood, the only options for internet are dial up or satellite. Satellite costs and arm and a leg, hence the declined frequency in posts. I braved the annoying sound, however, and waited ten minutes to finally be connected so that I could post today because I have so much to talk about.

 Growing up in a small town as an outsider is different. Unlike everyone else, my family moved here so we could grow up in a safer place, so I had no extended family here. You’d think that wouldn’t make a huge difference…Even though I started kindergarten here, I never really fit in. Elementary was fine, but once I hit middle school, it was all downhill.

What is it about being around anyone from my high school that turns me back into the self consious, shy and slightly negative shell of a human being that is plauged with social anxiety? Graduation was terrible and I was more negative that hour than I have been in the past two years. Even my darkest moment in college is better than one of my best days in high school. My college friends are all surprised and shocked to hear that I had no friends in high school. I don’t understand either…. I wasn’t a terrible person, and I haven’t changed…just grown.

Thinking back to high school is wierd. I’ve made two visits back to band, and everyone acts soo happy to see me. My sister said people at the high school stopped her all the time to say how nice I was and how smart….Why do people treat you so differently when you leave? I’ve even heard people who were “popular” say that I wwas pretty and destined for success. HWAT? (the h is not a typo btw) Why? That is my question…Why? Why did I have to go through four unhappy years of torture just to find out that no one really thought I was a loser or ugly? They just ignored me and made me think that…

Another thing that bothered me was the only really constant group of friends that I did have: Two girls who constantly put me down no matter what. I saw one at graduation and dissapointed myself by being slightly satisfied with the fact that one of them had gotten fat. I’m by no means like that, and I think it’s fine to have meat on your bones…Still it put a slight smile on my face.

Do you have similar feelings/stories about high school? Please share!

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My friends and I have our little jokes among us, as any group of friends does. Whenever something weird happens we say “Oh my gosh, that is so ghetto!”. It doesn’t matter if it is actually “ghetto” or not. Today, however, we wen’t to McDonald’s(not good! My fries were kinda burnt!). We placed two separate orders because we were paying separately, a common practice. We rolled up to the first window, no event: We pay and drive up. We get to the second window. Note: My friend tells her we have two separate orders. The woman hands us one bag and one drink.
My friend who is driving asks for the other stuff. Someone yelled from in McDonald’s with an argumentative tone,

“THEY ONLY GOT A BIG MAC MEAL!”

My friend yells in “We placed two separate orders” an rolled his eyes.

The worker yelled back, “Don’t get loud with me, You didn’t tell me that!” (by the way, this is not the employee helping us)

My friend said “Yes we did tell her”. He is now very irritated.

“I will come out there, don’t get loud with me!” yelled the McDonald’s employee.

“Come out here, I woop ass for a living!” said my friend, the nurse.

In the mean time I hand the receipt to the normal employee from the back window, and she retrieves our order. We finally drive off, after reminding them to give us a few more items they forgot.

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So, that actually was ghetto to the fullest extent. She had no reason to yell out at us, and she should have butt out when she realized she was wrong. She instead threatened to initiate a fight with customers who just want their food. Why do people insist to be violent and intimidating every moment of their lives, even at the risk of their job? The worst part is, she was wearing the little striped shirt and tie. Doesn’t that mean she’s a manager?

Oh Lord!

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In these times of economic instability, I have been reduced to broker than broke. I sold my keyboard in order to afford regular food because I’m a growing girl, and kind of greedy. Anyway, I went to the grocery store only a few blocks away from my apartment. A word of advice: Never go grocery shopping hungry. I had a list in hand, but I still picked up way more things than I could comfortably carry home. At that point in my life, I did not care about being comfortable. My love of a fully stocked refrigerator conquers all.

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My walk home was not too treacherous, I just kept telling myself that it’s not that far, only a few more blocks. More than halfway there I run into a shirtless homeless guy hanging out on a wall. I of course smile and keep walking as a trained resident of the city. The smile is my own touch 🙂

He yells at me as if I am  not right in front of them “LET ME HELP YOU WITH THOSE BAGS!”

“No thank you” I reply. “I’m almost there”.

I am steadily increasing the speed of my pace, but to avoid getting hit by a car, I had to stop at the corner. Of course, he follows me.

“God is sending you some help, and you are refusing. You are spitting in God’s face”.

I am totally annoyed now, because no one hates it more than I when people use God as an excuse for their actions.

“I’ve already gone farther than I got to go” I tell him waiting for the little white running man to tell me I can cross. Finally the light changes and I quickly cross. He yells at me as I cross a parking lot “God told me that a woman should not have to work so hard by herself”. He yells something else but I am too far away to hear him. I refuse to let him see me struggle, because the bags were getting quite heavy.

Was I wrong to not accept his help? I really just didn’t want him to know where I lived, and quite frankly I just didn’t want to be bothered.

This stuff only happens to me.

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I have been given the nickname Saint by my friends. Who knows who started it or when it started. I just know that when someone forcibly says the word saint, I swing around to see who’s calling me. I was given this nickname because I am super nice, I very seldom curse and I am a virgin. In those ways I am different from everyone in my group, but I still fit in very well. I am slightly silent when sex stories are being swapped 😛

Thinking about being a virgin triggered a memory. When I was in high school there was a abstinence assembly. One of the speakers was very beautiful. When she came out and started talking, someone in the audience yelled “You don’t look like no virgin!” That statement was dripping with ignorance. How does one look like a virgin? How does one look like anything? One of my friends once look at a guy and said that he didn’t look like he’d been to college. How shallow are we? How does one look like their experiences. Can anyone tell by looking at me that I am a small town girl who can count the times she’s left Virginia on her fingers?

We as Americans or just humans need to stop. We need to stop judging our brothers and sisters so quickly. Writing people off before they even have a chance can slow the overall progress of the human race because they have great ideas even though they may not “look” like it. (Whatever that looks like).

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