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My Everything is Nothing


I love to blog!! It is my favorite new hobby. I know what you’re probably thinking….’Her last post was like a month ago!!’ This is all too true. This blog is a product of me looking inward and I have seen a new thing today. I have a hard time making time for the things that make me happy. I love blogging, but just fit it in here and there. This is a microcosm of what happens with all things I love. This leaves me wondering about what I can do to fix this because I obviously do not want this but it continually happens. I find myself happy lately. This is because although many of my favorite things are pushed aside for nothing really, I really enjoy peace above all things. Right now, although things in music school may be a little rough sometimes, my life proves to be a peaceful one. I have peace and I love and am loved by many. So why should I be unhappy. Still, no matter how much I don’t like to admit it…there is more to life than peace and love. Life is better with them, but boring and unfulfilled with only these things. What to do? I think I should just do!

Another thing in my life that is nothing to way more people than it is something is classical music. I was introduced by one of those classical piano favorite’s CDs for christmas in middle school. I had shown interest in music, and although my parents are not in music they saw no reason why I shouldn’t be. Classical music is dying and it is because of the attitude of its very few relatives. We all [classical musicians and its patrons]  marry it and believe that it is the greatest. We prove to be abusive spouses, however, because if we really loved it we would want EVERYONE to know about it. We instead keeped it locked up and revered only for an exclusive crowd that is dwindling in size. If classical music dies, so do I in a way….but I don’t have to worry because as long as I’m alive and the countless other people who feel the same way, it will live. But I would still like the world to share my love. I’m being beckoned by my actual relatives because it is Christmas eve after all! Merry Christmas everyone!

Peace and love

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I look at the overall picture of what my life is slowly blossoming into and I’m happy. Knowing that (God willing) I have a lot of time to become the woman that I am meant to be, I let stress be something that I know about but have nothing to do with. It just makes my life a lot harder to live. When I am stressed I clam up and I do nothing. I let self-doubt run my emotions and my actions and I become a sinking ship…fast. So the only solution to this that I can see is to eliminate stress completely. No need for too much urgency, I know I’ll get there and I’ll enjoy the journey too.

So, getting on topic, I decided to write a list of why I, and many other people are not living anywhere close to their full potential. You know, many of us settle for the status quo, doing what has been done and what we’re told to do. Because we didn’t learn something in school, it is the school’s fault that we are so ignorant. I think these common attitudes contribute to our lack of originality. 

1. The path has always carved out for you. Now this I say for any lifestyle from living in the projects to in million dollar mansions. From things as literal as roads and pathways to things as general as lifestyles someone created it for you and generally we follow what we see. Just because we’ve had so many come before us does not mean we can’t sometimes tarry off of a pre-made path and do something unthinkable. Many of us settle for what is ordinary, which is fine, but I think it would do the world better if more of us stepped out of our comfort zones. Create a new path!

2. Failure terrifies you. Why has failure been made into such a negative thing? Failure is a prerequisite to success…an inciter of growth…the best way to learn. Why is it feared so? Many, including myself, don’t even try because failure is so frightening. What is even more frightening is the fact that failing to try is the worst type of failure. You get the same exact results as if you tried and failed except without the learning experience. So, cherish your failures, because each failure is bringing you that much closer to your next success.

3. People think. We all know this. Being intelligent beings, we love to contemplate situations before we actually get there. This is a wonderful feature in being human but it is also debilitating. Before even trying, one will speculate peoples reactions and make a decision based on his or her own speculations. ‘they will laugh at me…they will think I’m so dumb for entering that competition’ As one of my best friends puts it, good thing I don’t pay you to think….Just do it!

4. Life is hard. Life is filled with so many twists and turns. Everything cannot be predicted and no amount of research is going to tell you what your life will bring you next. We can only plan based on what we do know, prepare for the worst and hope for the very best. We get so stressed out about some things early on in life that seem so stupid and petty later. It is not extremely easy to deal with all the blows life is throwing at you (some more than others) and try to succeed in the way that you want. Don’t stress.

5. You can see. Those who are blessed with eyesight are afraid not to use it. If we can’t see it, it scares us and we need to see everything that’s going on. I’m tired of living some life prescribed to me by God knows who. I kinda just want to break loose and do something crazy. Why are so many afraid of the dark? Because they can’t see. We tend to be afraid of the unknown because we need to be in control. The unknown should excite us. Plus, in the dark, (unless you are handicapped in some way) you have four other senses. We seem to forget how many strengths we have. I mean this literally and figuratively…Every single one of us has plenty of gifts that we just ignore. We should instead explore our wonderful selves. There is no one else out there like you and no matter who you are….No matter what nationality….No matter how normal people may tell you you are, you are so special. You deserve to be appreciated mostly by yourself. You owe it to everyone else to love yourself enough to show everyone how awesome you are. Don’t be rude to people, you are taking away their chance to know you. Also, don’t be quick to anger, because the annoying things that make us all angry are usually kinda dumb.

Anyway, I kinda went off topic as many times as I went on topic, so I hope this writing exercise is beneficial to someone. And while on the topic of going off-topic, I don’t see anything wrong with overusing the word love because it’s about damn time it got overused. I wish everyone a wonderful and stress free week!

Peace and Love

 

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My little brother Kaleb and I

Ok, let me just start this off by saying I’m weird. I know it, so that makes it ok. As any normal person, I’ve changed what I wanna be 2045 times. I wanted to be a lawyer for a little while when I was young. I wanted to be an artist, a writer, an english teacher, a linguist….Finally, I have settled with a passion for a little while. I want to be a music educator, but that’s only half of it. I know for a fact that I want to be a mom. I know a lot of people have that in their plans for the future, but I feel weird as a 20 year old looking forward to raising kids. I absolutely adore children. I have had the opportunity this summer to babysit my toddler brothers all day for 3 days a week this summer while both of my parents worked…I loved every moment of it. I did have a few moments where I wanted to lock myself in a room (and them in a closet) but I generally can’t get enough of it.

So yeah. I’m kinda weird. It’s especially funny because I don’t even have a boyfriend…haven’t had one in a while. Watch me become an old maid with 55 cats.

Me and Kwintin(3 yrs)

On another topic, school is pissing me off right now. I’m doing much better, but the mid-semester I hate my life syndrome is getting me. I have really hit a brick wall when it comes to clarinet playing and I feel like climbing it is gonna be a bitch. I stress myself out too much and I don’t really get the right things done. Luckily, I have my students to keep me grounded, because without them reminding me why I’m putting myself through hell, I might have lost it by now. Being around children makes me so happy. I get all protective and mothery and it’s nice.  That’s all I have to say today…Hope everyone has a great Monday!

Peace and Love!

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What the heck!! I would swear on my mother’s life that summer just started last week if I didn’t know better…Why does time move so much faster than me? Fall 2010 is about to be the shit! I am sooo excited about getting back to school and being busy. Shopping, friends and classes!!! I even have a work study job this school year.

With a new school year I vow to bring a new attitude. I have never brought drama but I have decided to take it to a whole new level. If you are not a part of the solution, you’re part of the problem…I have always listened to people starting drama and share in conversations related to drama…NO MORE! If I smell drama, count me out. With that said the semester should be started with a positive outlook too. It’s so great to be starting fresh. I’ve spent the summer building habits that I need to be successful and now I’m ready. My clarinet and I are about to shut it DOWN! 🙂 That’s all for now, but I’d like to share a list with you.

This morning I shared in a writing activity with my friend A.J. We had to write a list of 20 things kids are better at than adults. Here is my list…

Kids are better @…

Imagining
Letting shit go
Making friends
Playing
Learning
Throwing temper tantrums
Showing emotion
Believing in themselves
Being creative
Conning people out of money
Being cute
Being in the present moment
Eating ice cream
Accepting the current life they lead
Inspiring
Being inquisitive
Gaining sympathy
Being tranquil
Beating the chicken pox
Smelling the roses

Peace and Love!!!

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My Student


Today I have been trying to figure out how to deal with myself as a student. When learning new things, we are definitely our own teacher, and even when taking a class (especially in college) you have to connect the dots yourself. The teacher is only there to lay the dots out for you. This is kind of hard for a lot of people, including me sometimes because we live in a society in which spoon-feeding students in school is not only accepted; it is expected. If you assign a project that makes kids think outside of the box and the answer cannot be found by going into the index of some textbook it’s too hard and unreasonable. The terrible thing is that this is especially true in the 11th and 12th grade when ambitious student are fighting for every single point. Anyway, I digress. I am thankful to live in a society that provides structured education. 

Whenever one encounters something new, one must teach oneself. I am a terrible student to myself. I need detention everyday…luckily I am also a patient teacher. I am a teacher looking for new methods for my student. I care a lot about her success because she is me. She doesn’t seem to care about her own success, she’d be happy to just sit around and take in her surroundings for the rest of her life…Whatever. That’s all for now. 

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A Strange Ailment…


Lately, I have found myself quite frequently wanting to write something but I can’t think of anything to write about. It’s not exactly writers block though, because I can write a lot once I have a topic…I’m not sure what this is. It’s not really bad; it’s actually good because it has me reading more for inspiration. I love my writing so much more when it was inspired randomly. Not by choice, but by necessity I take myself to a pencil or computer and relieve myself of the story I must tell. If I do not some literary bladder of mine might just burst. In the same sense I guess when I try to go when I don’t really have to, though there is something there It is not really much of anything. I think I just answered my own question…I love writing it out! So keeping with the oh so lady like analogy, reading for inspiration is like drinking a lot of water…pretty soon you are going to have something substantial to relieve yourself of. I think that I may just do that right now 🙂 Maybe that will be my next post!

Peace and Love!

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I was prompted


Ok so if you follow my blog, you know I’m on a mean poetry kick right now. I have been visiting  a nice poetry blog called Poets United. They are starting a weekly poetry prompt, and this post is my response. This is very different from my normal writing style. I hope you like it….Enjoy!

The Next Day
In a way we touch
but in a way we disconnect
as we wrinkle the sheets
In our minds
We know we are human.
Perfection is not something
we can achieve.
We may only strive to reach it.
In a way we touch
but in a way we disconnect
as our bodies cease to be
two separate entities
if only for the next few hours.
Turn the music up so the
neighbors can’t hear
and maybe I wont either
I love
it
right now, but as you leave
early tomorrow morning my
true evaluation of the situation will leave
me in contemplation for the duration of the next day.

Peace and Love!

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