Archive for the ‘The road to self discipline’ Category

I am a human. Or at least I thought I was. There are so many ways to identify yourself. What really matters is how you do that. If you identify yourself as a monkey you will get pretty close to achieving your goal. You will probably have people thinking that you actually something that you are not. The same thing happens when you identify yourself as something like a loser. If you believe that everyone thinks you’re a loser pretty soon that becomes reality. Projecting those feelings of self-hatred on other people sends them signals that they are unaware that they’re even reading. What I’m saying is, you must start thinking of yourself as what you want to be, not what you think you are. If you think yourself as an achiever of your wildest dreams, you’ll soon be living them. See I’m kinda writing this as a reminder to myself too. I just had a great conversation with one of the beautiful young ladies in my clarinet studio this evening. We are both a little frustrated about our playing and others perception of us as clarinettists. Honestly, I believe that I’m not really perceived as a good player or a serious musician. I’m not sure if she felt exactly as I do, but through that conversation I started to realize why I may be perceived as an okay but not that great musician: Because I truly believe that myself. Everyone who is a leader is not great at it. People are constantly lead astray by terrible leaders. But one thing all bad and good leaders have in common is that they all believe that they are good leaders. The moment they convinced themselves that they could they convinced all of their followers. I think I may just take a leaf out of their book. Today I rid myself of all my insecurities so that I can start to believe that I’m good at what I do. Soon enough, it might come true ❤

Peace and Love 


Read Full Post »

I’ve been trying to figure out what to be for Halloween for months. I’ve gone from wanting to dress in drag and be a couple with my male friend, to being a sexy chocolate bar and then an angel. Finally, after all of that deliberation, I decided to be a clarinetist for halloween. Super legit, equipped with a practice room, music, reeds and a stand! It’s not exactly what I want, but I’m hoping that leaving myself out of some of the most fun parties of the year to practice can lead to more productive behavior. Since I have no one around to decipline me, I had to make the decision myself and with the amount of work I have to do, and the amount I still have to get done…I just don’t deserve to go out this weekend.

I have written plenty in the past on how frustrated I get with myself, but these feelings have not changed. In the areas of self discipline and productivity….I have a lot of growing up to do. Whatever though, it’s not a big deal. I just wish the semester could pause for me for just one sec while I get my life together. Time has been slipping through my fingers like sand and that shit is super infuriating! Anyway, by the sounds of the loud people outside of my window til 2am, Halloween in Richmond has been successful…I can only imagine what will happen tonight.

Was your halloween worth writing home about?

Peace and Love!

Read Full Post »


When I woke up this afternoon I almost scolded myself once again for sleeping away most of my day. A quote that I recently stumbled upon has changed the way I treat myself, however. “If someone else treated you the way you treat yourself, would you still be friends?” I didn’t have to think long. Not at all. I do not allow anyone to treat me less than the way I believe I shold be treated and that is pretty good. I love jokes, but if you constantly put me down, even jokingly, that is a good way to get on a fast train out of my life. I, on the other hand, beat myself up for every sinlge mistake I make. I constantly feel like a failure for miniscule setbacks. I have decided to treat myself the way I treat everyone else.

I deserve the respect that I give everyone else. I tell everyone else, especially my students, that making a mistake is not just okay, but healthy…but when I make one I give myself the third degree. Or gave I should say because I have changed that in the past few weeks.

Anyway, On self discipline,,,

I had an argument with myself this morning. (this girl is crazy…) I thought, can I really love doing something if I have to force myself to do it? After thinking for a little bit, I realised that I can absolutely love something I have to force myself to do. Right now, the only thing I don’t have to force myself to do is sleep. I actually hate laying around too much. I did for about four days straight a while back, and let me tell ya, it hurts more than having a good workout four days in a row. Worse, I feel terrible because I’ve done nothing. So, I started to think about what having self discipline actually means. To discipline one’s self, one must direct one’s self on how to live and how to achieve whatever you want to achieve. So far, I have continued to hope things will fall into place as they always have. I think God has taken me as far as He is going to take me at this stage, and is now waiting for me to make my move…Time to move!

Peace and Love,

Read Full Post »

Kaleb the grad

Kaleb, my 5 year old brother graduated from pre-k today. It’s so weird because if I didn’t know any better I’d think that it was just yesterday when I got in trouble for dropping him…(I wanted him to be as crazy as I am). Time goes terribly fast for me. I am a person who loves to cherish the moment, but as I sit here they all fly by. I have not one second to

They're all so cute!

waste being unhappy. Not a moment to be angry or resentful. Never again will I waste an hour on self pity, because the way this life game is played, you never know which moment is your last.

Read Full Post »


Just so you know, I have aliases for all of my friends on this blog. Last night, the Eagle and I stayed up all night planning our next shenanigan. We both have pretty big dreams always, but I noticed something very important last night while we were all excited. We complete each other. Now the way I am talking about all of these boys, some might start thinking I have too many romantic interests. 😉 However, I love without restraint, and I do not have a romantic interest..haven’t for a year.

Back to the story: I am a person who heavily believes in dreams, no matter what. Dream big, dream hard. The eagle, however, is a lot more practical when it comes down to it. He believes in having dreams, but get stuff done first. We were just talking last night, and he told me about a dream he has, but for down the road in the future. It is a big project, that I will tell you about later, but no too crazy…it is the Eagle we’re talking about. I interjected and said “Why don’t you do it next summer?” and presented one way to execute it. He bit. We were planning so much last night. Alone, neither one of us would do something so huge. I have huge dreams all the time, and even though I believe in them, I never follow through. The Eagle is all follow through, so with my spark of belief and his pragmatism, we are on our way to a successful project. Right now I’ll just tell you it has to do with our shared love of teaching.

I post this to share with everyone the fact that there are many people who can complete you in many ways. Partner up with someone who has your weaknesses as strengths and conquer the world!

Read Full Post »

I’m on my way out the door to the gym, but while my iPod charges I have a few things to say.

In my journey, I find it hardest to grasp self discipline and consistency in my life. These two cross paths very frequently, but neither has ever crossed my path. I’ve only consistently been black and in school for my entire life. The school, I love, and being black I love even more, but it’s not something I can really choose anyway. So, being Keyara is a unique experience. Everyday is something new, and my psychological battle with everything is never ceasing. I am very familiar with the principles of self discipline and consistency. Actually, I assure you, I could probably write a book on the principles of both.


The execution is such a difficult task for me to master however. Just do it? Is it that easy? Yes. I think it is, and I believe that is the reason i can’t. I think I am so angry that something so easy has the ability to flip my life and push my progress back years.

Oh, I will be self-disciplined. It is something that I can no longer keep myself from having. I am too old to be letting everything go with the flow. LET’S DO THIS!

Read Full Post »