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Archive for the ‘Friendship’ Category


Life is such an AMAZING journey. I love every minute of it, and I try so hard to live by the principles I believe in.

Love everyone every minute.

After a long time of considering others and considering myself, I’ve found that I can’t hate other human beings. How can I do such a thing. Most unpleasant interactions I have are with people who are having a hard time or just don’t care about being personable. Hey, whatever, to every man his own. Also, even if someone has unreasonable hate toward me, they got it from somewhere and me returning the hate will just solidify theirs even more. No one is perfect, and I am not by far, but at least trying to give love with every breath can bring one closer to a much better existance.

Writing it out

Woah…I’ve said it like one hundred million times on this blog, but I’m just realizing this wonderful fact. Writing is so theraputic. What a drug, what a drug. It is not immediate I’m starting to realize, but it does work. When I wrote my last post I was pretty upset, but only a few hours after I felt great! All I did was write two poems and read a bunch of other poems and blog posts. Writing is one of the best ways out that I’ve found to date and it also helps you work through your problem, unlike drugs.

Music gives life a soundtrack

Music has been a huge part of my life for majority of my life. I play my clarinet and I love it. I don’t really play it enough, but I want it to be a big part of my life. I’ve really come to the point where progress isn’t going to just happen, I need to make it happen…and I will.

So to end this random post I will share the other poem that I wrote when I was sad.

The search is still on

Over the years
my life has been blessed
As a result of this predicament
my face is graced by a constant adornment

The teeth, so white, attest to my privileged life
in a society where even the poor live well

The width tells the onlooker of my positivity,
of my love of life and my responsibility.
I have made it my duty to share my smile
because it was given to me for public utility

Those who know me see it everyday
it brightens their lives in so many ways

I’m smiling right now,
but in contrast to what I said
This smile is only here because of mere habituation
Sadly it is just a mere fabrication

I want it back,
and I want it now
but I don’t know where to look
I barely know how

I know the culprit
who stole and hid my smile
but to find where he put it is taking a while.

I looked to myself
it was not there
I looked to self assurance
but found it nowhere

I thought, maybe it’s under self pity and laziness
but all I found was stupidity and craziness

I wanted to see if it could be in the struggle
I found traces of it
but I know the search is still on.

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So today is the beginning of a short series of posts dedicated to the people that contribute to the product that is me. Every person in the world…No matter what his or her circumstances may be has had someone contribute to their well being and success. I have never heard of such a baby that can feed itself in infancy, or a child who can teach his or herself to read. I have never achieved anything in my life on my own. Instead every accomplishment that I make will be a culmination of the efforts of countless investors. These investors all put much of their non-renewable time into the bank of my life hoping for not a return on the investment but a better final product. So to give up on myself or have any kind of self doubt will be wasting not only my life and potential, but the efforts of everyone who ever went out of their way to help me get to where I am. That’s not something I am willing to waste…it’s too valuable and it’s not even mine to waste.

I don’t believe any of these people read my blog unless I tell them to, but if you are one of the people I write about it wont be anything new…I’m very emotionally expressive and I tell most people how I feel about them…sometimes too much 🙂

Who contributes to your success and well being? Can you afford to waste their contributions?

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We all need somebody…

College became a lot more difficult for me my second year. Emotionally, I couldn’t do it. The work isn’t actually hard at all..just time consuming. This summer as I reflect I realize that I needed help. I needed help that I waited for and never received. This is totally fine, nobody is my keeper and I do not expect anyone to follow me around and kiss my boo-boos. In the future, however, I fully intend to be the keeper for as many people as I can handle because there is such a disparity between the amount of time people spend gossiping about each other and the amount of time people spend trying to be there for someone who obviously needs a friend.

I have friends. Many very deeply appreciated friends, but I am just really getting settled into the group of friends that I currently spend my life with. This school year I really didn’t have anyone to go to for the most part. The terrible part was that I didn’t even know what was wrong. I still can’t exactly pinpoint it but I think it was my version of depression. See, I’m an extremely happy-go-lucky soul. I go with the flow and try to be the peace maker. Only in my extremely rare moments of weakness (which I am extremely embarrassed of) have I even said anything bad about anyone. I don’t see a reason for it. I always put on a face for other people because I don’t like to spread misery. I retreat to cry and I complain only when I am too lazy to do something about something I see as an injustice. In long, I’m saying that anyone who knew me this year would not think I was depressed.

So it is not surprising that I did not get the help I needed…How would anyone know to reach out if I seemed fine. My grades plummeted, however, and I’m sure my teachers think I’m on drugs or something. I now know how it feels to be that person. I know how it feels to physically be unable to get out of bed. To be so intimidated by the challenges and frustrations of a coming day that I just can’t make myself for anything get out of bed and instead just beat myself up and cry about it a little later. I want to be the other person. I want to be the person who calls that girl just to see what’s up instead of talking about her behind her back and saying how she never comes to class. In my small department there is so much gossiping about really stupid shit(excuse me). Why would you gossip about how that guy is never in tune? (I’m a music student for those who don’t know) Are you being serious? Are there hidden cameras or do you just really have no life…just tell him he’s out of tune so he can fix it. Two people were talking about me behind my back saying how I wasn’t strong enough on first. Thanks for telling me before the concert. So and so never practices…I am so done with it. From now on I refuse to even allow anyone to do that crap around me. It’s not your business whether or not someone has problems, but you can make it your business to help them out of the hole they’re obviously in.

I believe it is better to ignore the haters. When you find out someone is talking about you behind your back don’t confront them…Give them a rose telling them something nice about his or herself. This is definitely a hard route to take. I did this for my clarinet studio and people blew my valentines way out of proportion. One girl who I knew was talking about me furiously at the time went out of her way to tell everyone that I apologized to her about something I had said. I did nothing of the sort and how immature. It took a lot of strength not to say anything, but I decided I didn’t care. Anyone who would believe that is obviously not my friend. I think out everything I say, and I hate it when people take back stuff they said..so why would I? Ignore the haters, the gossipers and the nobodys… They mean nothing to you and they definitely mean nothing to me.

From now on I will strive to abolish hate from my life. What about you? Could you stand to do a little less hating and a lot more loving?

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Just so you know, I have aliases for all of my friends on this blog. Last night, the Eagle and I stayed up all night planning our next shenanigan. We both have pretty big dreams always, but I noticed something very important last night while we were all excited. We complete each other. Now the way I am talking about all of these boys, some might start thinking I have too many romantic interests. 😉 However, I love without restraint, and I do not have a romantic interest..haven’t for a year.

Back to the story: I am a person who heavily believes in dreams, no matter what. Dream big, dream hard. The eagle, however, is a lot more practical when it comes down to it. He believes in having dreams, but get stuff done first. We were just talking last night, and he told me about a dream he has, but for down the road in the future. It is a big project, that I will tell you about later, but no too crazy…it is the Eagle we’re talking about. I interjected and said “Why don’t you do it next summer?” and presented one way to execute it. He bit. We were planning so much last night. Alone, neither one of us would do something so huge. I have huge dreams all the time, and even though I believe in them, I never follow through. The Eagle is all follow through, so with my spark of belief and his pragmatism, we are on our way to a successful project. Right now I’ll just tell you it has to do with our shared love of teaching.

I post this to share with everyone the fact that there are many people who can complete you in many ways. Partner up with someone who has your weaknesses as strengths and conquer the world!

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The Teddy bear…


Everyone has different categories of friendship. Not always purposefully people fall into different groups based on your amount of good interactions, attraction, chemistry etc. I have some friends that I can talk to for hours and some who I equally enjoy just spend so many hours with me, though we may not talk that much. The teddy bear is my friend who is definitely in the top ranks of the people I hold closest. He and I can talk for hours and he gives the best hugs! We

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literally stayed on the phone for 3 hours last night…And even then it was only because it was late, my voice was tired and I had to pee. lol. Friends like him remind me that there are so many awesome people in the world, and there is really no time to waste with people who you may not match with. There is somebody for everyone. Everyone has a “teddy bear” in their life, you just have to open up and wait for them.

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My friends and I have our little jokes among us, as any group of friends does. Whenever something weird happens we say “Oh my gosh, that is so ghetto!”. It doesn’t matter if it is actually “ghetto” or not. Today, however, we wen’t to McDonald’s(not good! My fries were kinda burnt!). We placed two separate orders because we were paying separately, a common practice. We rolled up to the first window, no event: We pay and drive up. We get to the second window. Note: My friend tells her we have two separate orders. The woman hands us one bag and one drink.
My friend who is driving asks for the other stuff. Someone yelled from in McDonald’s with an argumentative tone,

“THEY ONLY GOT A BIG MAC MEAL!”

My friend yells in “We placed two separate orders” an rolled his eyes.

The worker yelled back, “Don’t get loud with me, You didn’t tell me that!” (by the way, this is not the employee helping us)

My friend said “Yes we did tell her”. He is now very irritated.

“I will come out there, don’t get loud with me!” yelled the McDonald’s employee.

“Come out here, I woop ass for a living!” said my friend, the nurse.

In the mean time I hand the receipt to the normal employee from the back window, and she retrieves our order. We finally drive off, after reminding them to give us a few more items they forgot.

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So, that actually was ghetto to the fullest extent. She had no reason to yell out at us, and she should have butt out when she realized she was wrong. She instead threatened to initiate a fight with customers who just want their food. Why do people insist to be violent and intimidating every moment of their lives, even at the risk of their job? The worst part is, she was wearing the little striped shirt and tie. Doesn’t that mean she’s a manager?

Oh Lord!

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I have been given the nickname Saint by my friends. Who knows who started it or when it started. I just know that when someone forcibly says the word saint, I swing around to see who’s calling me. I was given this nickname because I am super nice, I very seldom curse and I am a virgin. In those ways I am different from everyone in my group, but I still fit in very well. I am slightly silent when sex stories are being swapped 😛

Thinking about being a virgin triggered a memory. When I was in high school there was a abstinence assembly. One of the speakers was very beautiful. When she came out and started talking, someone in the audience yelled “You don’t look like no virgin!” That statement was dripping with ignorance. How does one look like a virgin? How does one look like anything? One of my friends once look at a guy and said that he didn’t look like he’d been to college. How shallow are we? How does one look like their experiences. Can anyone tell by looking at me that I am a small town girl who can count the times she’s left Virginia on her fingers?

We as Americans or just humans need to stop. We need to stop judging our brothers and sisters so quickly. Writing people off before they even have a chance can slow the overall progress of the human race because they have great ideas even though they may not “look” like it. (Whatever that looks like).

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