Archive for October, 2010

I’ve been trying to figure out what to be for Halloween for months. I’ve gone from wanting to dress in drag and be a couple with my male friend, to being a sexy chocolate bar and then an angel. Finally, after all of that deliberation, I decided to be a clarinetist for halloween. Super legit, equipped with a practice room, music, reeds and a stand! It’s not exactly what I want, but I’m hoping that leaving myself out of some of the most fun parties of the year to practice can lead to more productive behavior. Since I have no one around to decipline me, I had to make the decision myself and with the amount of work I have to do, and the amount I still have to get done…I just don’t deserve to go out this weekend.

I have written plenty in the past on how frustrated I get with myself, but these feelings have not changed. In the areas of self discipline and productivity….I have a lot of growing up to do. Whatever though, it’s not a big deal. I just wish the semester could pause for me for just one sec while I get my life together. Time has been slipping through my fingers like sand and that shit is super infuriating! Anyway, by the sounds of the loud people outside of my window til 2am, Halloween in Richmond has been successful…I can only imagine what will happen tonight.

Was your halloween worth writing home about?

Peace and Love!


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I’m back!

It’s easy to blog in the middle of the summer when you have not a damn thing to do. However, during the semester that does not happen. I fell in love with blogging this summer and posted almost daily, but as soon as the semester and all the chaos it brings hit me, it was really easy to put off my new hobby. Anyway, short story shorter….I’m back!

I have so much to talk about that it was hard for me to choose a topic to write on, but I’ll just go with what’s heaviest on my heart right now. Music, music, music. It is extremely difficult for me to even put into words how close the entity that the word music represents is to my soul. However, I’ll do my best to break it down: I’m excited about the fact that I will be going into a career path that will never be that  profitable. I’m excited to hear criticism on my musicianship daily. I know that on my instrument and as a musician in general I have YEARS  of work to do do to even touch the level of musicianship I want to profess….And none of this bothers me because I’m signed on for life.

Having a bad day or a bad week musically can bother me some but I bounce back quick because I know that this is a lifelong journey with no defined ending. I do know that the day I die, I want to have played clarinet. I know that I want to be the best musician I ever was when my spirit leaves my body and I hope to have spread as much of the music in me to the next generation as possible. It’s not about me; it never will be. I am a vessel in which everything I learn shall be held and I need to get it all to as many people as possible.

If I perform a piece the objective is not for anyone to think I am  good. No, no, no. I perform to bring a composers work to yet another audience. I perform to aquire new skills so that some day I can pass them on. I perform for my own enjoyment because it is so fun to be in the moment and pour your heart into something. Music is close to me, and I am deeply inspired by it in so many ways. To be in music school is to be in heaven for me because even if I never get to play a first clarinet part or play Beethoven as a clarinetist in the orchestra I am one of the few who get to fully experience the music. I am surrounded by such talent and so many opportunities to experience my love that I cannot complain. What a lucky life I live.

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